Just Between You and Me [April Wine]

Don't tell Karen, but I don't really clean my apartment. We've already established that I'm not so hot at grocery shopping and cooking, but apparently I'm no good with housekeeping either.

I did do a pretty decent cleaning before she came to visit in December, but that's it. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not roaches and rats here. I take the trash out, and I don't leave food just sitting in the sink. But the thing is - I have flatware and dishes for 4. So that means 4 large forks, 4 small forks, 4 large spoons, 4 small spoons, and 4 knives. That's at least 16 possible uses before I have to wash something. And I have 4 large plates, 4 small plates and 4 bowls - so that's 12 uses. If I use some Tupperware as eating vessels, I can stretch the dishes to match the silverware. And if I really want to be lazy I can use the 4 knives to make sandwiches and then use paper towels as plates - so I've now made it to 20 meals w/o doing dishes. Let's pretend that I eat 2 meals a day at the apartment. I can go 10 days before I have to clean anything. But let's be honest - I sometimes eat out, so really, I'm probably able to do dishes once every 2 weeks.

Fun Fact: I've probably done 5 loads of laundry since I moved down here in October. I know at least one of my flights home I brought a suit case full of dirty clothes (I did wash them myself, FYI). And when I drove home for Xmas I also brought a rubbermaid tote full of laundry. I tend to recycle pants, and I have enough shirts that I can get by for a while, clearly. I'd probably do more, but the thing is, I'm totally creeped out by communal laundry. I don't think I had a problem in college, or I just didn't have a choice, but now it's just too much. I don't really remember the act of doing laundry at any point while I lived by myself in that tiny apartment in columbia - but I remember it in the dorms and in the places with roommates. I also remember it when I first moved to St. Louis, but that's because the machines at that apartment complex sucked, and I found cat poop in the washer one time. So - I do what I have to to get by, and take the rest home. As a bonus, I brought all my old, tattered socks and undergarments down here, so when this "adventure" is over I can just throw them away.

I've always talked about getting a new vacuum for the house, and Karen and I discussed doing that so I could bring our current vacuum to Dallas. We didn't because initially I had no idea what my living situation would be. Once I got the apt it might have been something worth doing, but instead I got one of those cool sweeper broom things like they have at restaurants. It does the job, and it's kinda fun to use, but I've only done it like 3 times since November. I'd make the argument that I'm not that dirty, but again, the real reason is laziness.

So, what we've learned is that after transitioning from single life to married life, I lost all my single living skills. And the saddest part is that I'm the one who does the vacuuming and the dishes, and I do my own laundry (that's a story for another day). So I am capable of performing these duties, I just don't. I've regressed into some sort of totally inept uber-bachelor. I promise I'm not like this at home.